All My ExesAn infrequent series of essays about ex-girlfriends and boyfriends.
DATA
The best of times:
Short and sweet was my time with Richie. Well, not really sweet exactly. More like: this dude beat me up every afternoon for a few weeks in the early '70s.
The football Giants had just finished a disappointing 8-6 season. I met Richie on my way down the steps to the Wilson Avenue stop in Brooklyn. I struck up a conversation. I was really excited at first - as a sandlot league player I wore my Thompson jersey every game (a jersey I had to work an entire summer for - hosing down suspicious immigrants in the Port Authority Cleaning Station. One day's pay was 5 cents! The jersey? It cost me $767).
I couldn't help but notice a certain rage lurking behind Richie's eyes that seemed to stir a little when he met me, like a fussy baby starting to wake up from a 4-minute nap.
I think he saw in me a chance to purge his own self-hatred - and if he's lucky, maybe even wipe that disappointing season out of his head.
Oh yeah one more thing - I also think he was a sicko who liked to beat up kids, did I mention that?
The worst of times:
The whole time. To a passerby it may have looked like some sort of mutual assault, between father and son maybe?
**I'm sorry, I'm really disorganized and I should've cleared this up at first: things were never physical.**
(I should say that things were never romantically physical. Nothing like that).
But yes, he beat me mercilessly over the period of two weeks that December.
Proudest moment:
Standing up on the first day of class and telling everyone what I did during my Christmas break. I wasn't so proud of the subsequent meeting I had to have with the guidance counselor and my parents.
What I’ll miss most:
The fear. It was exhilarating and addictive and I've unsuccessfully chased it ever since.
Oh yeah - I'll also miss being able to celebrate Christmas without going into a Post-Traumatic fetal position.
NEXT ON ALL MY EXES...
Proudest moment:
Standing up on the first day of class and telling everyone what I did during my Christmas break. I wasn't so proud of the subsequent meeting I had to have with the guidance counselor and my parents.
What I’ll miss most:
The fear. It was exhilarating and addictive and I've unsuccessfully chased it ever since.
Oh yeah - I'll also miss being able to celebrate Christmas without going into a Post-Traumatic fetal position.
NEXT ON ALL MY EXES...
The Lady of Rage: Professional Rappera^
I knew there was a bit of anti-white sentiment in her music going into it but she took things too far when she rocked a little too rough (and stuff) with one of my Afro Puffs.*
I knew there was a bit of anti-white sentiment in her music going into it but she took things too far when she rocked a little too rough (and stuff) with one of my Afro Puffs.*
^ - In certain instances the female rapper is referred to as a "rappera" as in "Who is your favorite rappera - Lauryn Hill or Drake?"
* - The ONLY valid and even slightly recognizable reference to The Lady of Rage is a reference to Afro Puffs. It is mandatory.
