I'm not a pastor and I'm not a reverand.

Listening to local AM church radio and a preacher is railing against same sex marraige and homosexuality... he slipped up and said:

"Gawd said He only want... men with men ONLY.
(Pause two three four five)...
men with WOMEN only."
I giggled to myself.

Face your fears girl!!!

The weirdest thing!
I walked into a public restroom at the Tangier Outlet Mall and there were no lights on.
I turned on the light.
There was only one toilet in the room.
A man was sitting on it with his pants around his ankles and there was a huge blue tarp wrapped around his waist - it was covering up his legs and the base of the toilet.
NO! he screamed and reached for the light switch.
I looked down and saw that his legs were tiny, thin, pale and completely shaved.
Ewww.... weird.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: Vernan Gholston (above) and me. Don't make the same mistake lots of people have been making lately!! He is not me!!

you pay for play you getIT??!?

Do you mind if I make a documentary about you?
(About how weird you are).

I'll get a grant to pay for it and we'll interview people
who know you and your ex-girlfriends.

I'll follow you around with camera and we'll see what your day is like.

I will inundate you with hyp(er) THETICAL questions about
how you would react in certain situations. And then wait in erotic expectantcy for
your amazing answers.

What would you do if someone cut you off in traffic on Christmas Eve in the parking lot of Old Navy?

I'd get out. Walk up to the driver's side door and kick their f***in' side-view mirrors off.

What would you do if your neighbor dumped a bunch of brush into your backyard?

Use a blade on him - cut a rectangular shape into his back. Pour a gallon of nail polish onto his hood. Set the woods on fire.


We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.

I know you did not just say that to me!

My friend Chuck (not that one silly!) once told me:

"Women have to do two things: be soft and smell good."
I'm totally and completely ANTI-OXIDANT!!

3----> MY BUDDY AXED ME: Is it racist to call someone "the laziest white man I ever met"?

Upcoming releases from Will Kiser! They make great Easter gifts!

"Pants Optional: The story of a boy and his drinking problem."

"You've Got Something on Your Shirt: A series of semi-interesting haikus"

"Whale Songs: Facing your fears with girl power!"

Blogs with links to other sites!! YAY!!

You know how you have Your Thing?
Not your Thing. But you know...

I don't know - I just like chicks to use a German accent when we're intimate. It's my thing.

Yeah - that's my thing. I like smashing up birthday cake into ice-cream before I eat it.

Well, I loooove watching paparazzi get beat up!

I don't know why - I always have. I don't love it in the sense of - well screw them they shouldn't be chasin' after my beloved Jessica Alba!

I couldn't care less about Hollywood and their privacy. it's just funny. I don't why.

Why do Asian girls cry when they see Michael Jackson?

She's so hot -
it's not even funny.

Gawd! That movie is so terrible -
it's not even funny.

I waited so long for them to open up -
it's not even funny.

It's not sad, it's not happy. It's nothing -
it's not even funny.

Kathy Griffin: not even funny.

Man Man returns to Athens this weekend and I've been reduced to a screaming and crying middle school girl. Complete with my band t-shirt (2 sizes too big, sleeves rolled up) - clutching my Fan Club poster, tears running down red cheeks.
I love this band.

Getting ready for their show takes 5 days - thank g_d this wasn't one of those wacky Secret Myspace shows!! I wouldn't be able to attend.
To get into the right headspace for Man Man I've got to get my hands on:

_one bottle of whiskey (it doesn't matter the brand, it won't be drunk: it's for cleaning surgical tools)

_one pint* of peyote (not sure the unit of measurement for peyote, but whatever it is - I'm going to need enough to get 800 people "high")

_10 gallons of drinking water (2 gallons a day)

And that's just some of the materials-needed. In addition to that, I must go through strenuous stretching, power yoga, hot stone massage and intense meditation.

Go check them out online and bask in their FUN!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury - Uncle Dirty.

This is wonderful, terrible, fantastic, funny, sad, and SWEET HOLY MOSES!! all in one.
From LoveBryan.com, this is photo essay by Mike Belleme about his great uncle.

EDITOR'S NOTE: The more I think about this man, Uncle Dirty, the more I realize that he may be the foundation of my new religion. Please check out this website - I really think it'll change your life for the better. Thank-you, Will.

The Onion Movie Preview

You knew this was coming sooner or later (straight to DVD though).