Here's a book shelf of organic matter - custom made for you!

I'm printing up shirts that say:
I'm so done long-boarding it's not even funny.

and bumper stickers that say:
My other car is gay.

I have a friend who wears
normal clothes except that
everyday, underneath those
normal clothes he wears
a different pair of
Thundercats pajamas.

Phrases You Never Hear While Waiting For the Elevator in the Parking Deck:
  • "I'm just dead set on finishing this O Magazine crossword puzzle!"
  • "I really shouldn't have had that third bottle of margarita mix."
  • "Any you guys seen a skinhead walk by with a cut on his face? No? Cool."

Psychic Evolution

Funny Man!
Funny Man!
Mr. Funny Man!
You're so funny with ...
your uh,
funny jokes!!


When did we stop wearing costumes hunh?

You know what I mean people.
I mean - if you're a six-year old boy you are apparentley allowed attend a public event wearing a full length Wolverine X-Men III costume without anyone batting an eye.
Dressed up.
Completely - head to toe. Totally un-related to whatever event they're participating in.

You're standing in the bathroom line at the Human Right's Festival next thing you know a you get cut in line by a 10-year Shrek donkey.
You're sipping on sweet tea at your aunt's housekeeper's funeral and you see a small raptor with Ninja Turtle roller-skate tennis shoes eating four chocolate chip cookies at once.
It's commonplace!
Parents even keep track of them by their superhero name:
Kevin! Come back towards the house! You too Spiderman.

So when's the cut off people? Hunh?
That's what I want to know.

When are we no longer allowed to wear random costumes? Halloween excluded of course - but like, on a Wednesday in July?
16 years old?
8 years old?

Day Man: Fighter of the Night Man

I know two things about her:
She was born in Kansas and
she's afraid of people who wear
too much Shea Butter Lotion.

My neighbor left me a note in Sanscrit.
I had it translated by a dude at the library and
he told me it said:
"We've got extra pie if you want any..."

When I was walking to work this morning I passed a crack-head who I see fairly often.

He more than likely is not an actual crack addict - he probably suffers from a serious mental illness (the broad stroke calls all of these people CrackHeads and everyone knows what they mean when they say it).
Anyway - he was bopping along and yelling out angry phrases to himself as he walked. When he passed me I could make out a little of what he was saying.
Here's the gorgeous prose I heard come out of his mouth:

Ahhh... those less fortunate than us. So funny.

Big Hack.

I've been bumping 2Pac heavily lately - you know how we do.
Anyway - recently I remembered that in the 'Pac song "Ambitionz As A Rider" Shakur tosses out these two lines:

Can't trust the bitches in the business
so I got with Death Row.

He's referring to signing with Death Row Records, something that - hindsight being 20/20 - was a "bad idea."