Here's a book shelf of organic matter - custom made for you!

I'm printing up shirts that say:
I'm so done long-boarding it's not even funny.

and bumper stickers that say:
My other car is gay.

---

I have a friend who wears
normal clothes except that
everyday, underneath those
normal clothes he wears
a different pair of
Thundercats pajamas.

---

Phrases You Never Hear While Waiting For the Elevator in the Parking Deck:

• "I'm just dead set on finishing this O Magazine crossword puzzle!"

• "I really shouldn't have had that third bottle of margarita mix."

• "Any you guys seen a skinhead walk by with a cut on his face? No? Cool."

Psychic Evolution

Funny Man!

Funny Man!
Mr. Funny Man!
You're so funny with ...

your uh,

funny jokes!!

FUNNY MAN:

When did we stop wearing costumes hunh?

You know what I mean people.
I mean - if you're a six-year old boy you are apparentley allowed attend a public event wearing a full length Wolverine X-Men III costume without anyone batting an eye.
Dressed up.
Completely - head to toe. Totally un-related to whatever event they're participating in.

You're standing in the bathroom line at the Human Right's Festival next thing you know a you get cut in line by a 10-year Shrek donkey.
You're sipping on sweet tea at your aunt's housekeeper's funeral and you see a small raptor with Ninja Turtle roller-skate tennis shoes eating four chocolate chip cookies at once.
It's commonplace!
Parents even keep track of them by their superhero name:
Kevin! Come back towards the house! You too Spiderman.

So when's the cut off people? Hunh?
That's what I want to know.
When are we no longer allowed to wear random costumes? Halloween excluded of course - but like, on a Wednesday in July?
16 years old?
8 years old?
HELP ABBY!!

Day Man: Fighter of the Night Man

I know two things about her:
She was born in Kansas and
she's afraid of people who wear
too much Shea Butter Lotion.

---

My neighbor left me a note in Sanscrit.
I had it translated by a dude at the library and
he told me it said:
"We've got extra pie if you want any..."

---

When I was walking to work this morning I passed a crack-head who I see fairly often.

He more than likely is not an actual crack addict - he probably suffers from a serious mental illness (the broad stroke calls all of these people CrackHeads and everyone knows what they mean when they say it).
Anyway - he was bopping along and yelling out angry phrases to himself as he walked. When he passed me I could make out a little of what he was saying.
Here's the gorgeous prose I heard come out of his mouth:
"THAT'S WHY I DON'T BE F*CKIN' AROUND WITH BLACK WOMEN NO MORE!!"

Ahhh... those less fortunate than us. So funny.

Big Hack.

I've been bumping 2Pac heavily lately - you know how we do.
Anyway - recently I remembered that in the 'Pac song "Ambitionz As A Rider" Shakur tosses out these two lines:

Can't trust the bitches in the business

so I got with Death Row.

He's referring to signing with Death Row Records, something that - hindsight being 20/20 - was a "bad idea."